tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32135014123289113082024-03-19T02:11:22.705-07:00Telling A Different StorySpent too many years wandering through the wilderness of infertilty. Lost 7 babies, lost my hope, lost too much. Spent some time grieving and trying to figure stuff out. Still grieving, still figuring. Trying to tell this story. My story. Well, my new story.shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-41303994523002937032015-01-28T19:32:00.000-08:002015-01-28T19:32:35.269-08:00Who am I?Who am I now?<br />
How did this happen?<br />
How have I become an 'employee' who is considered sub par?<br />
When I was headhunter for this job somebody saw something in me.<br />
Now what do you see?<br />
Sick. Lazy? Useless?<br />
Why do I stay?<br />
Golden handcuffs to which Ive become accustomed.<br />
So what does it mean?<br />
Am I who they think I am?<br />
Who defines me.<br />
How can they crush my spirit if I don't let them?<br />
How did this happen?<br />
Who am I now?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Needing some positive change. Your friend Shlomit checking in.<br />
peace<br />
shlomitshlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-10309355826884080922014-10-17T15:01:00.001-07:002014-10-17T15:01:45.637-07:00The Story ContinuesIt seems that I'm good at starting...not as strong on the follow through!<br />
But I trust the wait will be worth it for this piece.<br />
I, along with several other women, was interviewed by a Canadian parenting magazine recently for a piece of pregnancy and baby loss. Other than my weight (grrrr!) I'm very pleased with how our story was told.<br />
<br />
There is a short video and a written piece and then if you feel like following any of the links, you will read other bits and pieces of our story.<br />
<br />
They devoted Wednesday, 15 October on Today's Parent Twitter feed to a discussion about #babyloss.<br />
<br />
And now....<br />
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a><span id="goog_635443109"></span><span id="goog_635443110"></span><a href="http://www.todaysparent.com/pregnancy/miscarriage-pregnancy-loss-sandy-wynia-katz/" target="_blank">Sharing our story</a><br />
<br />
peace<br />
shlomit<br />
(aka Sandy)shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-52306914153168690752013-03-12T15:40:00.000-07:002013-03-12T15:40:27.237-07:00Quick post about a sucker punchThank you blog and blogosphere and anybody who's hanging on here.<br />
<br />
Been having a lot of 'flashbacks' from out of the blue - including an extremely vivid image/memory of myself wracked by anguish after being told our 6th pregnancy ended when our baby died. Sucker punch. Not as potent as the first time around but where the heck did that come from while I was innocently walking down the street?<br />
<br />
I'm hankering to work on my next one woman show - I have a scene. So it was good for something other than knocking me off kilter for a day or two.<br />
<br />
Then, good 'ol fa.cebo.ok again. A friend. Well, maybe more of an acquaintance from way back. Reconnected on f.b and find we share similar interests and politics. I'm thinking here's a cool woman who is childless - she's part of 'our club'. Today she announced (in the neatest way) that she is expecting.<br />
<br />
Happy for her? Yes. Blah, blah, blah.<br />
Another one bites the dust.<br />
<br />
How come our club isn't growing? Not that I wish this membership on anyone who doesn't want it.<br />
<br />
Anyway....2 in a series of suckerpunches I felt like sharing.<br />
<br />
Getting back up - maybe going to keep my dukes up for a little while.<br />
<br />
peace<br />
shlomitshlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-83730157298439653432013-02-09T11:55:00.000-08:002013-02-09T12:03:13.755-08:00I've Been Nominated for an Award!<br />
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
My friend Decemberbaby at <a href="http://sweetcrunchyjewy.wordpress.com/">SweetCrunchyJewy</a> nominated me for a Liebster award. I’ve never heard of these awards before, but it’s an honour to be chosen. Here are the rules:</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">1) Tell 11 things about yourself.</strong><br />
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">2) Answer 11 questions from the blogger who nominated you.</strong><br />
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">3) Post 11 questions for those who will be nominated by you.</strong><br />
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">4) Nominate 11 bloggers.</strong><br />
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">5) Get in contact with those bloggers to inform them that you nominated them</strong></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
It appealed to me because I like a challenge...and I was having a time coming up with a blog post recently. </div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">11 Things about me:</strong></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
1. <b>I have been an aunt since I was 10 years old.</b> I can remember the day my oldest niece was born and the sense of pride I had at being an aunt. To this day, I still revel in the role of aunt (and honourary) aunt! I have 13 nieces and nephews and 26 grand nieces and nephews.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
2. <b> I am overweight and it bugs me that it bugs me!</b> For much of my life I have been on the 'heavy' side - though I realize in hindsight that there was some cognitive distortion going on when I was a teenager cos when I look back at pics of me I can see that I was fairly average. About 12 or 13 years ago I lost a whole lot of weight and really loved the way I looked and felt and the energy I had. Now I've slowly put it back on and I can't stand the way I look in pictures, etc. I know what to do to lose weight yet I resist sticking to anything. I am working on accepting myself for who I am AND getting some of the weight off so that I can be healthier, be stronger and like myself in pictures again. </div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
3.<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"> I am very comfortable on stage. </strong><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Although I do understand that I am mainly an introvert (i.e. I recharge my batteries by making sure I have down time) I am completely comfortable on stage. I am a musician and I recently wrote and performed a one woman short, autobiographical play. I also love to talk to groups of people - either facilitating a discussion or giving a presentation on the work I do. This doesn't mean that I don't get a little nervous before a 'performance' because I do - but the nerves are not related to being on stage in front of a group of people cos that I love! </span></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
4. <strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">I don't really enjoy cooking. </strong><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">It's not that I'm not a good cook - when I have to and/or when I set my mind to it, I can whip up good, tasty food. The thing is, I've never been very inclined to it and it's not something I enjoy very much. Lucky for me Sariel LOVES to cook and does all the cooking in our house. I sometimes feel bad cos it might be nice for him to come home to a home cooked meal. But generally when I feel that way, I suggest we eat out and he gets to pick the restaurant!</span><br />
<br />
5. <b>I don't like winter. </b>Born in Canada. Raised in Canada. Have experienced many Canadian winters. Have tried skiing (downhill and cross country) and skating (which I do enjoy) but really, really dislike winter. There's no way around it. I accept it but do not enjoy it, even an iota.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
6. <b>My tonsils partly grew back after a tonsillectomy. </b>Weird, huh? Had my tonsils removed days after I turned one due to severe, recurrent ear aches. Recently found out that they are back - small and misshapen, but there they are.<br />
<br />
7. <strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">I believe that I was South Asian in a previous life. </strong><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">No explanation, just a gut feeling.</span><br />
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br /></strong></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
8. <strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">I have called in sick to finish a book a was reading. </strong><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">I'm not necessarily proud of this fact, but it's true. I've actually done this more than once but not in the last 10 years or so. I am a passionate, avid reader and sometimes I get so drawn into the world of the book that I can't pull myself out to join the real world.</span><br />
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
9. <strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">I was born into an Orthodox family. Orthodox Christian, that is. </strong><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">My journey to Judaism is long and complicated and the subject of the One Woman Show I recently performed. Suffice to say, I knew from a VERY EARLY age that I was Jewish. Turns out I had Jewish ancestors - not uncommon for people like me.</span><br />
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
10. <b>Owning a house brings out my worst anxieties. </b>I have owned two 100 year old homes in my life. Both were in reasonably good shape, the first one especially had been renovated just before I purchased it with my good friend. But the constant worry about the roof, the basement, the yard, the walls, the ants, the mice, the everything just about drove me mad. Tried again with Sariel but had the same result. We have been living in a condo for just over a year and I am still grateful EVERY DAY (literally!!!) to not have the worry of a house. It has made a huge difference in my peace of mind.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
11. <strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">My brother and I didn't speak for 10 years. </strong><span style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">I have 3 brothers and 1 sister - I am the youngest. I have a very religious (Christian; see #9) brother who took great exception one day when, during a discussion, I took the "Lord's name in vain". I know this is a touchy area for my family and I mostly am able to restrain myself. But this time we were having a heated discussion and it slipped out. And then he just stopped speaking to me. After 10 years we slowly started being civil to each other. When I came out to my family as Jewish, he took great offence which set our 'relationship' back quite a bit. So be it. I committed to be civil to him for the sake of our elderly parents. So now we are civil to each other and can actually stand to be in each other's presence for periods of time. Oh, and one of his grown kids (my niece) 'de-friended' me on facebook because of my support of LGBTQ rights. </span><br />
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
Now, D Baby has asked a bunch of questions that I’m supposed to answer. Let’s see how I do with these!</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<b>1. What’s your passion in life? </b>Tough question! I am passionate about justice, inclusion and equal rights for all!! I am passionate about Judaism! I am passionate about my partner and our relationship! Life is great when they all come together!!!</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<b>2. Given the option, what time would be the “perfect” wake-up time for you? </b>I am definitely a night owl who has slowly adjusted to 'normal' life over the last several years. Because of life long insomnia I have to practice good sleep hygiene. But, in an ideal world, a perfect wake up time for me would be about 11:00 a.m.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<b>3. What’s your favourite mode of transportation? </b>I can see I am not good at answering questions with one answer! I love walking - I love the pace, the proximity to the ground and things around me. I love taking it all in - sights, sounds, smells - and walking does that for me. I love cycling because I would love to fly and I think cycling is the closest feeling to flying. For long distances, I love trains. I fly on airplanes a lot for work and pleasure but the pleasure of that has worn off over the years.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<b>4. What do you think of <em style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">The Simpsons</em>? </b>I think it's a clever, funny show for adults. I think it's gone on waaaay too long!</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<b>5. If you were a food, what kind of food would you be? </b>A pomegranate. Obvious fertility references aside, I love the pomegranate because it is one surprise after another. An interesting colour, shape and texture on the outside. A surprising sweet/tart fruit on the inside. A challenge to get to the fruit but so worth it when you take it and savour it!</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<b>6. What’s the biggest risk you’ve ever taken? Did it pay off?</b> Leaving the religion and culture of my family. I risked losing them all. Losing everything. No question though - it paid off! I am living the life my soul was meant to live. I am integrated, whole and at peace. Completely worth it!</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<b>7. If you didn’t have to work for a living, how would you spend your days? </b>Some combination of spending time with children, music, ocean, Sariel and reading. Oh, and cycling and walking!</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<b>8. What’s your favourite charity? </b>Ve'ahavta.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<b>9. If you had two hours a day all to yourself with absolutely no other obligations, how would you spend them? </b>Reading.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<b>10. What’s the best book you’ve read lately? </b>The Last Runaway by Tracy Chevalier. EXCELLENT!!!!</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<b>11. Why do you blog?</b> To help me tell and figure out my life's story. I am creating, on my own and with Sariel, a life that is not the one I had planned/hoped. I don't want to just be a passive observer I want to be a dreamer and shaper and live with intentionality. The blog, while it might not seem like it, is an outlet that helps me do that.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<b>And now, here are your 11 questions:</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>1. What did you want to be when you grew (grow?) up?</b><br />
<b>2. What style of underwear are your favourite?</b><br />
<b>3. What's the best thing about being an adult?</b><br />
<b>4. What's the worst thing about being an adult?</b><br />
<b>5. What does spirituality mean to you?</b><br />
<b>6. What's your favourite food?</b><br />
<b>7. If you had to be another person for a day, who would you be?</b><br />
<b>8. What do you first notice when you meet somebody new?</b><br />
<b>9. What's your favourite season and why?</b><br />
<b>10. What happens after we die?</b><br />
<b>11. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>I'm not sure I currently know 11 bloggers anymore!!!</b><br />
<b>Here goes:</b><br />
<b><a href="http://theroadlesstravelledlb.blogspot.ca/">Loribeth</a>, <a href="http://thehardestquest.blogspot.ca/">Gil</a>, <a href="http://itcouldtakethreemonths.blogspot.ca/">Ms. C</a> and anybody else who visits my blog or used to visit my old blog!!</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Thanks Decemberbaby. That was tougher than I thought it would be but all in all, I enjoyed it!</b></div>
<div class="sharedaddy sd-rating-enabled sd-like-enabled sd-sharing-enabled" id="jp-post-flair" style="border-bottom-left-radius: 0px !important; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px !important; border-top-left-radius: 0px !important; border-top-right-radius: 0px !important; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="sd-block sd-rating" style="border-bottom-left-radius: 0px !important; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px !important; border-top-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.128906); border-top-left-radius: 0px !important; border-top-right-radius: 0px !important; border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 10px; width: 715px; zoom: 1;">
</div>
</div>
shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-74083500483024824832013-02-07T13:26:00.001-08:002013-02-07T13:26:53.370-08:00Upcoming Blog Post Preview!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">My friend Decemberbaby at</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://sweetcrunchyjewy.wordpress.com/">SweetCrunchyJewy</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"> nominated me for a Liebster award. I’ve never heard of these awards before, but it’s an honour to be chosen.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I decided to do it because I thought it would take less brain energy than coming up with a post. Hmmmmm...more challenging then I thought and taking longer than I had hoped.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I am on vacation as of next Friday...I will have it done by then!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Here's a description so that you can start thinking about what you're going to write when you're nominated!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"></span><br />
<div style="color: #333333; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">1) Tell 11 things about yourself.</strong></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">2) Answer 11 questions from the blogger who nominated you.</strong></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">3) Post 11 questions for those who will be nominated by you.</strong></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">4) Nominate 11 bloggers.</strong></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">5) Get in contact with those bloggers to inform them that you nominated them</strong></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br /></strong></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br /></strong></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-size: large;">If you're reading this </span></strong></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-size: large;">and haven't yet accepted </span></strong></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-size: large;">the prestigious Liebster award, </span></strong></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-size: large;">consider yourself nominated </span></strong></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-size: large;">by me!</span></strong></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple; font-size: large;"><br /></span></strong></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"></span><br />
<div style="color: #333333; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">peace</strong></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;">
<div style="color: #333333; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<strong style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">shlomit</strong></div>
</span>shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-40098418521756435702013-01-16T12:42:00.001-08:002013-01-16T12:42:18.401-08:00A Picture is Worth a Thousand HeartbreaksA good friend is 12 weeks pregnant and just went for her first ultrasound.<br />
<br />
Everything looks good and she just posted the Ultrasound pic on Facebook.<br />
<br />
It's all I can do to click 'like'. Cos I DO like this. I'm happy that she and her partner want to be pregnant and have a second child. And pregnancy really does seem to agree with her.<br />
<br />
Yet I also have to look away.<br />
<br />
Those ultrasound pictures and stories get me every time.<br />
<br />
Such a trigger. <br />
<br />
I can't just look at them and be unreservedly happy for the prospective parent(s).<br />
<br />
Because I have seen the same picture, the same heartbeat and know that it can disappear.<br />
<br />
That first ultrasound seems like it might be some kind of guarantee. Perhaps particularly for those of us who have lived with infertility and all that it entails. You kind of feel like - Phew - we made it. We've gotten ourselves pregnant and we see a live baby on the monitor!!<br />
<br />
I just don't think that way any more. And I know I never will. <br />
<br />
That's one of those permanent changes, brought to you by infertility and pregnancy loss.<br />
<br />
A heart can beat. And a heart can stop beating. <br />
<br />
A baby can be alive - developing safely inside you.<br />
<br />
And the baby can die.<br />
<br />
The bitter part of me (yes, it's still in there, rearing it's ugly head from time to time) wants to post a comment saying: "Beware! That's no guarantee. I have a whole stack of those pictures and no baby to show for them. I have heard a doctor say, more than once, 'I'm sorry - the baby died.'"<br />
<br />
And I have looked at my useless pictures and felt my heart break into a million pieces.<br />
<br />
But I won't write that. That's my story.<br />
<br />
And I hope her story has a completely different ending.<br />
<br />
peace<br />
shlomitshlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-4129292253184899642013-01-10T17:10:00.001-08:002013-02-07T13:37:43.274-08:00A Meme I'd Consider<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Hey All,</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>My friend Lori Beth over at <a href="http://theroadlesstravelledlb.blogspot.ca/">Road Less Travelled</a> did this meme and I kinda liked it.</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>I don't generally join in on these things and honestly the secular/Christian new year has never done much for me...I'm more inclined to committ myself to better ways during Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement).</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>And yet, here I am...I'm gonna do this thing because I look forward to the challenge it will bring me to think hard, dig deep and be honest. Perfectly honest.</i></span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>1. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I usually decide during Rosh Hashanah the things I will re-commit to in the next year. I have committed to reducing the amount of 'lashan hora' in which I participated. For me this mostly refers to gossiping and speaking ill of others, especially when not in their presence. My workplace has become more challenging over the last few years with a manager who causes a lot of havoc amongst team members. I was sliding down the slippery slope of 'venting' and 'problem solving' which led, inevitably towards 'gossip'. And I have certainly put an end to that. I still vent sometimes but I am more aware of what specifically I am venting about and what I plan to do to improve the situation. And venting does not take the form of personal attacks on anybody but is more about situations. It can still be a challenge since some of my colleagues still try to take things there and I have to be strong and re-commit to being the person I want to be.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><b>2. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><b><br /></b></span>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Together with my Sariel, we bought and moved into a condo! And I can tell you that I was MADE for condo living! We started 2012 in here and I'm sure we mention to each other at least 5 times per week how much we love living here!</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">We hosted family from the Netherlands - here and in our guest suite and threw them a big reunion party in our condo's party room. Usually they stay with my parents and siblings in the Niagara Region and, being the youngest, this was the first time they stayed with me! We had a blast and so enjoyed reconnecting with these members of my family - some of whom I hadn't seen in probably 35 years. Strangely enough, I'd seen my Netherlands relatives more recently than most of my Canadian ones!</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Took a plane trip with Sariel, our friend L and her 3 kids. We only went to Miami for a few days but we've been talking about doing this for a while. We all consider ourselves each other's family, have dinner together a few times per month and every year we go to a cottage or similar but this time we wanted to do a beach holiday - so we did! It was fun flying with the kids - more fun than with Sariel who just goes to sleep as soon as he gets on the plane!!</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>3. Did anyone close to you give birth?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">I'd say. By the time 2012 drew to a close I had 6 more grand nieces and nephews!</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">A good friend of ours also had a 2nd child early in the year.</span></span></li>
</ul>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">It was tough. We are, as usual, so happy each time a friend, family or other loved one has a baby and yet it kind of hurts too. Inevitably I think about what our little family would look like if any of our pregnancies resulted in a live baby.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>4. Did anyone close to you die?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Thankfully, no. But I felt the loss of David Rakoff very keenly this year. I was and still am shocked at his passing and miss him very much. Also Adam Yauch, from the Beastie Boys - I feel as though I grew up with him. Finally, Isaiah Sheffer the creator and host of Selected Shorts - his passing shocked me and every time I hear his voice on a past episode I get chocked up thinking that we will never hear from him again.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>5. What countries did you visit?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I stayed in North America this year, visiting New York City a couple of times and Florida once. I also saw parts of Ontario for work and pleasure.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Less stress. Or perhaps better tools for coping with stress. I think at times I let stressful situations get the best of me and it had a very detrimental effect on my physical and mental health.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">The flip side, I guess, is to have better health, consistently. That would be great!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>7. What date(s) from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?</strong></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">28 July 2012 is the date. It was the day our WHOLE FAMILY (50+ members) were together in one spot to celebrate my parents' 60th Anniversary. Everybody was able to make it, the weather was perfect, sunny but not too hot. There were lots of new babies on hand and my parents were both, thankfully, in very good health that day! My parents' actually anniversary is 3 August but that didn't really make a difference. It was a beautiful day that I will never forget! </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Hmmmmm.....I'm inclined to say 'surviving'. But it's more than that. I have worked very hard to deal with the various ailments I've suffered over the past year (and longer). I have worked hard to make peace with my body, to listen to what my body needs and to not be bullied into making decisions that are not good for me by a boss who is quite unreasonable when it comes to self care. I've learned to stand up for myself and advocate for myself in this area - a big achievement for me! This is something I very much continue to struggle with but I have made good progress and feel good that I will continue to grow in 2013.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>9. What was your biggest failure?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">See above. I had some major illnesses and injuries in 2010 and 2011. I thought I'd learned my lesson, but I clearly hadn't. I continued to ignore my body, put my work over my health and push myself instead of giving my body what it needed. I can't get that time back but I am more committed than ever to do the right thing for myself. To prioritize self care above all. Because, and I <i>KNOW</i> it's a cliche, but I am no good to anybody if I don't take better care of myself.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>10. Did you suffer illness or injury?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I continued to struggle with a weak immune system in 2012 and, in addition to that, I discovered in July that the previous January I had ruptured a disc and had two herniated discs. This was not welcome news. I have yet to get this back pain under any kind of regular control and I continue to see various specialist and try various measures. I am also working with my doctor to better understand why I get sick so often and why I get as sick as I do each time. The journey continues in 2013.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>11. What was the best thing you bought?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I guess I've already mentioned the condo, eh? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">If we don't count that, then it's a toss up between a very cool, vintage contour lounge chair that reclines, heats up and vibrates!!! </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">OR the trips we took - these are not things but experiences: a week at a vocal camp that was transformative for both of us and a week in NYC during which we had absolutely nothing planned and just hung out, saw whatever music appealed to us, checked out some new restaurants and generally just absorbed the city in a very laid back way. To name a couple of our experiences!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">My friends and their kids. They have 2 teen agers and one pre-teen. Life in their house can be a little hectic and sometimes very tense. Relationships have been strained. But my friend and her partner really committed to working together and, ultimately, the kids did too. They made so much progress in their relationships and I'm really, really proud of each of them!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? </strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Ugh. I don't want to give my boss any more air time. So I won't.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I'd have to say the Prime Minister of Canada by selling away our natural resources and removing key environmental protections. And also, some of the Republican and Tea Party candidates and supporters. They are pushing women's rights so far back that it's actually frightening. Some things I never thought would be up for debate were given serious air time?! As women and as citizens of this planet I can see we need to be more determined and work harder than ever to save ourselves and our planet.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Sadly, I have to add a friend's partner to this list. He has shut himself off from my friend completely and to a frightening extent. Their marriage will likely not survive and they will have to help their two young daughters cope with all of this. I feel so, so sad for my friend and what she's going through. It is extremely painful and, while I'm not living it, I find it almost inconceivable that my friend's partner cannot step up and give of himself. Ugh.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>14. Where did most of your money go?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Mostly child support and travel for Sariel's daughter (to come here for custody visits) and our own travel. We are suckers for travel. Also, we still spent a fair amount on eating out, especially when we first moved to the new neighbourhood and discovered all of these fantastic restaurants (and their great wine lists!!) within walking distance. But in the past 6 months we've been more focused and reigned it in much more!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? </strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong></strong></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I'm really, really, really excited about the one woman show I'm going to perform next week. This has it's roots in 2012 cos that's when I signed up for the group/course. We've been working together with our amazing coach since October and it's been challenging, scary and above all exciting! Who knows where this will lead in 2013?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>16. What song will always remind you of 2012?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Definitely the Honour Quodlibet that we learned from Dr. Ysaye Barnwell at Worldsongs Vocal Camp this year! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBkTqCNbJgQ">Check it out!</a><b> </b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">a.) happier; b.) about the same? c.) maybe a touch poorer</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>18. What do you wish you’d done more of? </strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Getting out in nature: walking, hiking, skating.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>19. What do you wish you’d done less of?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Been sick and housebound.</span><br />
<strong style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><br /></span></strong>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>20. How did you spend Christmas?</strong></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Sick with the flu in my lovely contour lounge chair watching films with Sariel. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>21. Did you fall in love in 2012? </strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I fall in love with Sariel pretty much every day. And there were a few more people I realized I love over the course of this year.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>22. What was your favorite TV program?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I must confess that I am a geek and don't watch TV. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I'm a huge radio fan and I have lots of favourite radio programs such as Selected Shorts, This American Life, The Moth, Snap Judgement, A Prairie Home Companion, Fresh Air, etc. I also like Weekend Edition and Will Shorts the Puzzle Master.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>23. Do you hate anyone now that you did not hate this time last year? </strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Hate is so tiring. I have had fleeting feelings of hatred toward a number of politicians. I could probably conjour up some hatred for some of them right now if I had to. But I can't sustain hatred for very long.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>24. What was the best book you read?</strong></span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I'm a voracious reader so this is TOUGH!!! But I'll say <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13071561-the-american-way-of-eating?utm_medium=api&utm_source=author_widget">The American Way of Eating</a> by Tracie McMillan. The author goes undercover for 3 months each working in the fields, working in a grocery store and working in a restaurant. She talks about her experiences in the food industry, the lives of others who work in the industries and the story of the food we eat. Riveting. I'm a big fan. And this from somebody who reads more fiction than non-fictrion.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>25. What was your greatest musical discovery?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Well, I know she's been around for a long time, but I've got to say Diana Krall and her new album 'Glad Rag Doll'. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Here's the confession: Initially I wasn't a huge fan of hers when she first came on the scene - nothing really about her but I was into other kinds of music. <i>Then</i>she hooked up with Elvis Costello, for whom I had been carrying a flame for oh so many years! On top of that she had kids with him. That was it, I couldn't stand mention of her or hearing her voice. Petty, I know. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Then I heard her interviewed on some NPR show this year and I thought she was kind of cool. They played a few tracks off the album, and I was hooked. So there you go, in 2012 my greatest musical discovery was Diana Krall!</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>26. What did you want and get?</strong></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Love, friendship, travel.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>27. What did you want and not get?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">To be out of debt.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">To see Loretta Lynn (had to give the tix away cos I was sick)</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">To see kd lang (ditto)</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">To have a long period of good health.</span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>28. What was your favourite film of this year? </strong></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Sleepwalk with Me. But I was predisposed to like this because I am a fan of Mike Bribiglia, had heard his piece about this story and I'm an even bigger fan of Ira Glass who helped produce the film and had a small cameo role.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?</strong></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">This year I turned 46 and I went to work (I don't always). Something very significant happened for the children of our province as this year a motion was put forward in our Legislature to call May 14 the Day of Children in Care. Now everybody where I work talks about May 14. And I sometimes quiz them about the other important event of that day.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Better health.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?</strong></span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Tunics, layers, drapey. And clothes that fit.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>32. What kept you sane?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">Sariel. My shrink. My meds. Red wine. Good friends. The return of my family doctor from maternity leave. Vacations. Wise colleagues.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?</strong></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">I've got a thing for Doug Pettibone. Don't worry - Sariel is well aware of it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>34. What political issue stirred you the most?</strong></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">The Canadian Government's omnibus bill in which we lost protection for so many of our natural resources and the Idle No More Movement in response, which has global support. The most oppressed people in our nation are showing themselves to be, by far, the most courageous!</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>35. Who did you miss?</strong></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong> </strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">David Rakoff. I can't explain. I just miss him.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>36. Who was the best new person you met?</strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Tracey Erin Smith, my new guru and the woman behind <a href="http://www.soulo.ca/">SoulOTheatre</a>. She is a beautiful inside and out, talented, inspiring, butt kicking, amazing woman and I am so grateful to know her and to have had a chance to work with her!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong>37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012. </strong></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Listen to your body.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">Listen to your self.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">I have a story to tell - many in fact - that others would want to hear.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><br /><strong>38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.</strong></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">"We've all got to have a place that we come from, the place that we come from is called home. We set out on our travels, we do the best we can, we travel this great earth that we roam. Even though you may love this place that's on the map, it's ain't where you from, it's where you at." (Mos Def, Habitat from the album Black on Both Sides)</span>shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-48226809240747662652013-01-10T14:46:00.000-08:002013-01-10T14:46:01.536-08:00Hey y'all!<br />
Hope you had yourself some great holidays. If not great, then good. If not good, then tolerable. And if not tolerable - I hope they passed quickly and things are better now.<br />
<br />
As you know, those holidays aren't the ones we celebrate but they are usually a time to relax, watch movies, get together with friends we haven't seen for a while.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately this year, I caught some sort of wicked, tenacious flu bug that lasted well over 2 weeks! Happy to report I've been recovering in the past week and hope to be restored to good health by the weekend....maybe?<br />
<br />
In the meantime, as alluded to in earlier posts, here's a piece of writing for this theatre class I'm taking. I tried to work this piece or at least this character into my one woman show but it just wasn't working. Keep in mind this is only a 10 minute piece....I am thinking of challenging myself to tackle a full length show. Stay tuned.<br />
<br />
In the meantime, my 'home play' (stream of consciousness writing on a given topic) from 23 November 2012.<br />
<br />
peace<br />
Shlomit<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>TOPIC: A teacher who was a problem.</b><br />
<br />
<i>"I am in grade 6 and I am as mouthy and clever as they come. My four older siblings have made sure that I’ve grown up fast and been independent.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I’m practically an adult since birth. And my quick, sarcastic wit is strong enough to keep up with the masters: my Mom and my older siblings.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>So the first day of Grade 6 arrives and after a summer of less socializing then I’d like, I’m excited to be back at school with my peers.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>The hormones are raging, my boobs have sprouted and I know I am fucking hilarious - having honed my humour during a summer of adults and more adults.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I get Mr. Pilon for a teacher and I’m not sure what to expect. His wife is also a teacher in the school and she seems okay. I know nobody can compare to my Grade 5 teacher, Mrs. Koole, who ‘got me’ and appreciates my quick humour and wit.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>From the moment Pilon opens his mouth I sense a challenge – and I’m ready for the game!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>This guy is married? No way? His wife is more butch than he is and he has that ummmmmm…. extremely ‘effeminate’ voice.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>He tries to charm us – at turns acting as our ‘friend’ and then suddenly being ‘tough’ and teacherly. Before first recess I am in a verbal sparring match with this guy and instead of bowing down to my supreme wit and intelligence – he puts me in the corner.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I am in Grade 6. I am an Aunt. Two of my siblings are married and I have boobs.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>And you put me in the corner?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>No, no, no, no, no. This won’t do. The gauntlet has been thrown and as far as I’m concerned, war has been declared.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Who does this fucker think he is and how am I going to handle him for the rest of the year? I have no power but the power of my tongue. And I will win.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Because I am in Grade 6. I am an Aunt and I’ve been in two weddings. And I have boobs.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Pilon – you. Are going. Down.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Grade 6 is a year marked by trouble with a capital T for Shlomit. Boobs or no boobs, I have to follow this guy’s direction and there are no adults willing to back me up.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>At every chance, I humiliate. I mean, it’s so easy. He’s asking for it.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Like the time he asks me to stand at the front of the classroom and do a recorder solo. He thinks I’m fooling around and not paying attention. He underestimates me. I get in front of the class and play, from memory, a very difficult solo I’ve taught myself. And I’m playing the recorder through my nose!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Point for Team Shlomit.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Or the time when he tells the class a ‘joke’. It is long, involved, building up to what he things is an hilarious punch line.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Cue the smart ass. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Pilon delivers the punch line; polite twittering from kiss ass classmates ensues. I wait for it to die down and then “Yeah. So. What’s the joke?”</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Gotcha!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>His face flames red; he sends me in the hall and even calls my parents! I get the familiar “respect the teacher” lecture but I can tell that my parents are choking back smiles and maybe just a little pride.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Point for Shlomit.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Because I am Shlomit. I am 12 years old. I’ve got a niece. I’ve been in two weddings. My parents leave me home alone.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>And I. have. Boobs."</i><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-23539637670600122942012-12-04T10:38:00.002-08:002012-12-04T10:39:46.254-08:00Day 4, 5, 6 and 7No, no. I haven't forgotten my challenge. It's just that I've been distracted.<br />
First by pain (see post 2 or 3), then by a weekend away and back to pain again.<br />
<br />
At the moment, sitting at a computer is one of the least comfortable positions for me...so I'll keep this brief!<br />
<br />
<b>4th unexpected upside to not being a mother:</b><br />
When I go places, I only have to bring what I need or might need. And maybe a little what Sariel might need. I don't have to carry snacks, extra snacks, diapers, cream, small amusing objects or anything I don't need or want!!!<br />
<br />
<b>5th unexpected upside to not being a mother:</b><br />
Perhaps irritatingly similar to point #1 - I have endless amounts of patience for kids (especially adolescents) and they have endless amounts of patience for me. I know it's precisely <i>because</i> I'm <i>not </i>their mother that they will put up with me fawning all over them and refocusing them on homework when they are trying to distract themselves...but I have to admit, I really enjoy it!!! Yes, I <i>do</i> feel the <i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">teensiest</span></i> bit guilty as I watch their parents look on with envy as I carelessly interact with the same 12 year old that has been giving them lip all day. But really, what they get in the end is so much more huge than these little moments that I steal, I can't waste too much time on that eensy little bit of guilt.<br />
<br />
<b>6th unexpected upside to not being a mother:</b><br />
When it comes to ethical dilemmas in my workplace, it is very difficult for parents not to 'think as parents'. Without getting into too much detail about the type of work I do, this 'thinking as parents' can often be a liability when one is considering the rights of the child (rights...not 'best interests'). Although I have many important children in my life, I am not 'burdened', as it were, as my colleagues who are parents are by considering how these rights might apply to their own children. And since my childless colleagues and I have to put up with the 'you wouldn't know since you don't have kids' thing all too often, I am embracing #6 with lots of gusto!!!!<br />
<br />
<b>7th unexpected upside of not being a mother:</b><br />
I will always have pure, unadulterated, fantasy versions of what my child/ren would be like. No messy reality to remind me that my child is not 100% perfect. No, in our minds, our child is always just right!<br />
<br />
Thanks for listening.<br />
<br />
If you read between the lines you know I struggle still with parent envy. This was my attempt to turn things on their head for a week. Your participation was greatly appreciated!<br />
<br />
<b>Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.</b><br />
<br />
peace<br />
shlomitshlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-39264509758817898912012-11-30T13:42:00.003-08:002012-11-30T13:43:27.054-08:00Day 3 aka Let's Try to Stay Awake!So here's the scoop:<br />
<br />
This is day 3 of 7 in which I explain the suprising benefits of not being a mom (in our case not by choice).<br />
<br />
And I am zonked out. ZONKED!!!! As I <i>may </i>have mentioned on Day 2, I threw my already injured back into some weird spasm. As a result I have resorted to fairly strong pain medication and have been in a floaty, spacey, zone for the past 3 days.<br />
<br />
So let's start there. If I had a child (of any age), my mental state could be dangerous. There is no way I could take care of a child who needs physical care and I would probably be the worst (or from a teen's perspective BEST) judge of what would be a safe, reasonable outing/curfew/etc. for a more independent child.<br />
<br />
Today I spent the day watching corny television shows on Netflix on Sariel's android tablet, drifting in and out of sleep. When I eventually stirred long enough to get myself off the bed and went through the HUGE task of making coffee, I decided to take a good long soak in the tub. <i>Did you hear that?</i> A <b>GOOD</b>, <b><i>LONG </i>SOAK</b>. Nobody knocking on the door, nobody jumping in with me, nobody nothing. Just me, my smelly bath stuff, my deep, deep tub and a good book. Sigh.<br />
<br />
Tonight, we head out for a weekend long road trip when Sariel returns home from work....but that's for another post!<br />
<br />
peace<br />
shlomitshlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-20619177296854257022012-11-28T07:30:00.004-08:002012-11-28T07:33:10.687-08:00DAY 2 of Unexpected Benefits of Not Being a Mom<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Sheesh...almost like I was asking for it!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So here is a REALLY unexpected benefit of not being a Mom.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I threw my (already injured) back out last night. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Bad. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">How? I do not know. Pain? Oh yeah!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I have yet to find a 'pain free' position or posture.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The kind of back pain where you have to resort to major pain medication, heating pad and laying flat on your back.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So, here's the up side: <i> </i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i>No guilt! </i> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">No torn allegiances. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I don't have children I either have to force myself to get up for and take care <i><b> </b></i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i><b>OR </b></i>feel guilty that they are going without necessary interaction <i><b> </b></i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i><b>OR</b></i> that the burden lands fully on Sariel!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Just pain.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">No guilt.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Did I mention the pain? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">peace</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">shlomit</span>shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-85337279739363788752012-11-27T07:49:00.000-08:002012-11-27T07:49:47.880-08:00The Unexpected Benefits of Not Being a Mom - 7 posts in 7 days!Here's my self-imposed challenge - try your own if you'd like!<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am going to post today and for the next six days about the unexpected benefits of being childless. I look forward to this exercise with glee!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<h2>
<b>1.) Staying 'cool'.</b></h2>
<div>
"Now what does that mean, Shlomit?" (I know you're saying that...).</div>
<div>
"I'm a mom and I'm cool."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But you're not. Sorry. You're a 'cool mom' maybe, yes. But you are not 'cool'. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And you are definitely not <i>dope</i>!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Although I may look outwardly like a 'mother', the kids in my life know I am not. That puts me in a unique category. They know a lot of mothers. Most of their friends have mothers...sometimes two! I am not one of 'those'.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Not me. <b> I am forever youthful.</b> Forever connected to childhood in a way that those that have children are not. And kids know that.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
(It's kind of like being an LGBTTQQ2SIA <i>ally</i>. I can empathize. I can stand stand up for LGBTQ rights. I have heard stories. Heck, I've even been harassed for being gay. But I'm not a member of the LGBTQ community. I can stand alongside and cheer and be an ally. That's my role. I accept it.)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Tonight I am going on a date with a 15 year old friend of mine. I have known her since birth and Sariel and I are very close to her parents and siblings. She is currently going through adolescent angst hell. She would rather eat rat poison than hang out with her parents. Yet she is happily joining me tonight. Happily.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And that's one of things that's great about not being a mom.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
peace</div>
<div>
shlomit</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-57207304938813464132012-11-20T15:52:00.000-08:002012-11-20T15:52:26.808-08:00Daunting? Or Exciting? (publishing an old, unfinished post...just because)<div style="color: black;">
<b>WOW. </b></div>
<br />
I could write about....(<i>gulp</i>)...ANYTHING!!<br />
<br />
Now that I'm not an<b> 'infertility'</b> blogger anymore, the blogging world is my proverbial oyster! (And truly, <i>the only</i> oyster I'm ever going to taste). Somehow that thought makes me, in turns, a little intimated and very excited.<br />
<br />
I'm taking a little break at work right now and figured I'd stop by. There are <b>a lot</b> of things I want to share. I guess some of them actually <i>will</i> be IF related - because I do want to talk about my journey back to me. And at least <i>some</i> of that story has it's roots in where I <b>was</b>. <br />
<br />
Given that we are verging on the secular new year, this might be a good time to talk about my body. Why - you ask? Because for sure I need to lose some weight. So yes, I am part of the whole 'new year's resolution' cliche thing. I'm gonna do it. I'm bloody determined.<br />
<br />
But it's loaded (isn't everything?). I realize now that I've never been one of those people with healthy mind/body integration. I have tended to 'abuse' my body by pushing myself, indulging, ignoring aches and pains...all that kind of stuff. And over the course of my IF journey I became less and less integrated. I can see it now.shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-40500052460584536872012-11-20T15:17:00.001-08:002012-11-20T15:50:46.084-08:00I'm Still Standing....<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b>I've got you singing now...admit it!</b></div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b>Hi folks...anybody out there?</b></div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b>Have you given up on me?</b></div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b>Hope not, though I wouldn't blame you. </b></div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b>I have a feeling that I will be posting a little more often in the next while. There are many thoughts and feelings churning - stuff I figured I'd dealt with but which is rearing it's head again.</b></div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b><br />I did something really risky recently. I signed up for a course that will culminate in me writing and performing a one-woman show! This opportunity threw itself into my path - an amazing course offered for free through my synagogue. </b>
</div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b><br />Look at the title of my blog. Telling a Different Story. How could I pass up this opportunity? I have struggled with various mediums to tell this story. And now I'm trying another. And I'm LOVING it!!!</b>
</div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b><br />One of the things we have been doing for 'home play' (not home 'work'...get it? Don't you love it?) is 10 minute stream of consciousness writings on various topics.</b>
</div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b><br />Here's one I've tinkered with a little...let me know what you think. And I promise to keep you posted on what's going on around here!</b>
</div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b>peace,</b></div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b>shlomit </b></div>
<div style="color: blue; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b><br />Here it is:</b>
</div>
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<style>
<!--
/* Font Definitions */
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-font-charset:78;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-font-charset:78;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}
@font-face
{font-family:Calibri;
panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4;
mso-font-charset:0;
mso-generic-font-family:auto;
mso-font-pitch:variable;
mso-font-signature:-520092929 1073786111 9 0 415 0;}
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{mso-style-unhide:no;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0cm;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;}
.MsoChpDefault
{mso-style-type:export-only;
mso-default-props:yes;
font-size:10.0pt;
mso-ansi-font-size:10.0pt;
mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;
mso-fareast-font-family:"MS 明朝";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-fareast-language:JA;}
@page WordSection1
{size:612.0pt 792.0pt;
margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt;
mso-header-margin:36.0pt;
mso-footer-margin:36.0pt;
mso-paper-source:0;}
div.WordSection1
{page:WordSection1;}
</style>
-->
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">When I find
out that I am going to be a parent I’m in a state of disbelief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After months of trying, to hear that I’m
pregnant puts me in a state of euphoria!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I feel relieved too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been
worrying that, despite my breeder genes, I am too old, my eggs are too old
and/or maybe I have some fatal flaw that prevents me from getting pregnant.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">It’s the
first time that I’m pregnant and it doesn’t occur to me that I could lose this
pregnancy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>I figure we
just need a little extra help in getting pregnant and, now that we are, it’s
going to be clear sailing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">We are both
super excited and even though it’s fairly early in the pregnancy we start
talking about our baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We talk about
names:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>boy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>girl?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>both?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">We think
about how we’ll raise this child – what kind of parents we’ll be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who are role models are…and who they are
<i>NOT</i>!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We talk about how old we’ll be when
our baby is bar or bat mitzvah, in high school, in university.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">We talk
about how we’ll tell Sariel's daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How we’ll
make sure we keep the door open for her and involve her as much as possible. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We try to prepare ourselves for her potential
reaction and figure out how we’ll try to help her.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">It’s always
complicated when you are living with a child from a previous marriage and your
partner’s ex-spouse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s always an
extra layer of complication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Will Sariel's daughter
want to live with us and her new sibling?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Will she want to be closer, physically, to her dad?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To her sibling?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">There is so
much to say but I’m not sure where to go really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">Pregnant at
least 7 times I could tell this story 7 different ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All with the same ending.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-theme-font: major-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: major-latin;">I do not
become a parent at the end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">I am a
statistic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">A label.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;"> I am infertile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;"> I am of advanced maternal age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">I am a poor responder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">A person with Multiple Pregnancy Loss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;"> A person with depression and anxiety.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">A mess really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 14pt;">And I want to run away.</span></div>
shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-76882423008175900102012-04-17T16:36:00.000-07:002012-04-17T16:36:21.891-07:00Sucking up the blogosphere!Wow....last post was 1 January!?!?!<br />
<br />
What can I say? You know how it goes....you write these brilliant posts in your head and never get around to sharing them. <br />
<br />
Ever since the cajillion (or so) miscarriages it seems that my immune system is kind of kacking out on me. I've been catching one thing after another (bronchitis, strep throat, sinus infection). Then I developed a pinched nerve in my back that had me bed-bound for almost a month! As that finally healed enough that I could move around again - boom - I came down with shingles!?!?!?<br />
<br />
I know. I know. In the grand scheme of things, none of these is a really big deal. But to me they are. The 'one-thing-after-another-ness' of it is wearing me down. And when I'm worn down, I feel down.<br />
<br />
And I seem to be surrounded by a baby-boom again. My brother is expecting 4 grandchildren in June and July!? Friends and friends children are having babies left, right and centre.<br />
<br />
I am fully and completely out of the game. I am scared to get pregnant for what it might do to my mental health should I have another miscarriage. We bought a 2 bedroom condo, for pete's sake - no kids are on our agenda.<br />
<br />
But still sometimes I'm just so sad.<br />
<br />
Lately it's little boys.<br />
<br />
I see little boys walking to school or on the bus or in the 'hood and I get this strange feeling that I am 'missing' my little boy. It's an almost physical sensation that hits hard, takes me aback and makes me winded. As in, it knocks the wind out of me. I realize this may sound kind of nutty - but there you have it. The sadness and depression of infertility and multiple pregnancy loss (aka multiple child loss) has made me a little nutty.<br />
<br />
The good news is that I don't panic as much about this as I used to. I don't worry that I'm falling towards the endless abyss of depression - the dark, dark place where I existed after we miscarriages 6 and 7. I have worked hard, dammit. I have the tools and supports I need to keep from going back there. <br />
<br />
Now I'm learning, trying to balance feeling those sad, sad feelings, honouring them...and moving on. Moving on not too quickly but not too slowly either.<br />
<br />
I can only presume that with all of the practice I'm having, I'll get better at this too.<br />
<br />
peace<br />
shlomitshlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-88696625439384493322012-01-01T11:50:00.000-08:002012-01-01T11:50:53.420-08:00Childless? Who's childless?Looking back on the last few posts I realize I haven't written much about the kids we do have in our lives. Reading back made me realize how child-full we are! Not in a 'consolation prize' kind of way...in it's own unique way. In it's own particular way.<br />
<br />
I thought I'd share a bunch of pictures of our 'kids'...certainly not an exhaustive rundown, but it'll give you a flavour. <br />
<br />
Enjoy!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hSyQkyqCSkw/TwCuqy_InzI/AAAAAAAAAKU/HIx2xTxLQUs/s1600/IMG_0751.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hSyQkyqCSkw/TwCuqy_InzI/AAAAAAAAAKU/HIx2xTxLQUs/s320/IMG_0751.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-n8TiBrPe4NU/TwCz7f8UDPI/AAAAAAAAAN8/1iGv8LZ3rl4/s1600/IMG_0804.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-n8TiBrPe4NU/TwCz7f8UDPI/AAAAAAAAAN8/1iGv8LZ3rl4/s320/IMG_0804.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Dangr5b-sQk/TwC0HB5IUlI/AAAAAAAAAOE/VDFtRc2Bn1E/s1600/IMG_0808.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Dangr5b-sQk/TwC0HB5IUlI/AAAAAAAAAOE/VDFtRc2Bn1E/s320/IMG_0808.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WHYwzI264MM/TwC0TH6EWvI/AAAAAAAAAOM/0-HSQpfqoFw/s1600/IMG_0811.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WHYwzI264MM/TwC0TH6EWvI/AAAAAAAAAOM/0-HSQpfqoFw/s320/IMG_0811.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pZ6acCKUYrw/TwC0lZq8t-I/AAAAAAAAAOY/_yXo5zRO5Bo/s1600/IMG_0821.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pZ6acCKUYrw/TwC0lZq8t-I/AAAAAAAAAOY/_yXo5zRO5Bo/s320/IMG_0821.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pOM3bfG4nQc/TwC0x6YvMQI/AAAAAAAAAOg/NQpLf8Ip-Vs/s1600/IMG_1662.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pOM3bfG4nQc/TwC0x6YvMQI/AAAAAAAAAOg/NQpLf8Ip-Vs/s320/IMG_1662.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1sj79mufmIY/TwC08M6YSZI/AAAAAAAAAOo/kSjGeDWdfhY/s1600/IMG_1672.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1sj79mufmIY/TwC08M6YSZI/AAAAAAAAAOo/kSjGeDWdfhY/s320/IMG_1672.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pSHSBN-TAqg/TwC1HMOVUUI/AAAAAAAAAOw/xZGu_6wbROk/s1600/IMG_1681.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pSHSBN-TAqg/TwC1HMOVUUI/AAAAAAAAAOw/xZGu_6wbROk/s320/IMG_1681.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P0CRK83UBy0/TwC1YnAq5LI/AAAAAAAAAO8/IvRhW3jJPw8/s1600/IMG_1744.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-P0CRK83UBy0/TwC1YnAq5LI/AAAAAAAAAO8/IvRhW3jJPw8/s320/IMG_1744.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--TrWAiz8qlQ/TwC1jJNvC_I/AAAAAAAAAPE/PfN6j1A0GkY/s1600/IMG_1796.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--TrWAiz8qlQ/TwC1jJNvC_I/AAAAAAAAAPE/PfN6j1A0GkY/s320/IMG_1796.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eDwvs4ikfME/TwC1rkiIUfI/AAAAAAAAAPM/s6RBjwL0dmc/s1600/IMG_1941.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eDwvs4ikfME/TwC1rkiIUfI/AAAAAAAAAPM/s6RBjwL0dmc/s320/IMG_1941.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8JXKM82WBgE/TwC1yzc1qJI/AAAAAAAAAPU/O7B7TIVxEHA/s1600/IMG_2050.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8JXKM82WBgE/TwC1yzc1qJI/AAAAAAAAAPU/O7B7TIVxEHA/s320/IMG_2050.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-H4r3m5YNjCQ/TwC17btd3EI/AAAAAAAAAPc/ZXHdLeAsPoc/s1600/IMG_2522.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-H4r3m5YNjCQ/TwC17btd3EI/AAAAAAAAAPc/ZXHdLeAsPoc/s320/IMG_2522.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-udrej0DWlvs/TwC2EarnDBI/AAAAAAAAAPk/gtL0XtIw6O4/s1600/IMG_2546.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-udrej0DWlvs/TwC2EarnDBI/AAAAAAAAAPk/gtL0XtIw6O4/s320/IMG_2546.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KL6e6OO-uT0/TwC2dVr_vTI/AAAAAAAAAPw/pDVYTYdpcZ4/s1600/IMG_2571.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KL6e6OO-uT0/TwC2dVr_vTI/AAAAAAAAAPw/pDVYTYdpcZ4/s320/IMG_2571.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-enFQ6FXzW5k/TwC2loRkhWI/AAAAAAAAAP4/gSG7HLaD_Dg/s1600/IMG_4722.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-enFQ6FXzW5k/TwC2loRkhWI/AAAAAAAAAP4/gSG7HLaD_Dg/s320/IMG_4722.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZcRoeMgnhfo/TwC2vrj9HEI/AAAAAAAAAQA/ft1swbMsbEg/s1600/IMG_4737.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZcRoeMgnhfo/TwC2vrj9HEI/AAAAAAAAAQA/ft1swbMsbEg/s320/IMG_4737.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aQyZmeL8-8o/TwC26g2FdCI/AAAAAAAAAQI/Aa8M1MTrV-c/s1600/IMG_4755.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aQyZmeL8-8o/TwC26g2FdCI/AAAAAAAAAQI/Aa8M1MTrV-c/s320/IMG_4755.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E69OB3SDUi8/TwC3He_WldI/AAAAAAAAAQQ/VfaJ0Nt0AL4/s1600/IMG_4763.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E69OB3SDUi8/TwC3He_WldI/AAAAAAAAAQQ/VfaJ0Nt0AL4/s320/IMG_4763.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HTTx1Q4u4j8/TwC3PeD9Y5I/AAAAAAAAAQY/QhBNTk4C2eQ/s1600/IMG_4810.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HTTx1Q4u4j8/TwC3PeD9Y5I/AAAAAAAAAQY/QhBNTk4C2eQ/s320/IMG_4810.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jJYfLx_hoU8/TwC3rSNXGEI/AAAAAAAAAQk/Y8dI-cuyf9g/s1600/IMG_5117.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jJYfLx_hoU8/TwC3rSNXGEI/AAAAAAAAAQk/Y8dI-cuyf9g/s320/IMG_5117.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XGWLOSgGCgo/TwC33SR3J2I/AAAAAAAAAQs/MPDXhqWdfOc/s1600/IMG_5285.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XGWLOSgGCgo/TwC33SR3J2I/AAAAAAAAAQs/MPDXhqWdfOc/s320/IMG_5285.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xGNYJeT4KZE/TwC4BL1TIyI/AAAAAAAAAQ0/X5iDO02I0Vk/s1600/IMG_5305.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xGNYJeT4KZE/TwC4BL1TIyI/AAAAAAAAAQ0/X5iDO02I0Vk/s320/IMG_5305.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7XOEbnVcWGw/TwC4J-AWtJI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/HuG5vNySvvE/s1600/IMG_5322.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7XOEbnVcWGw/TwC4J-AWtJI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/HuG5vNySvvE/s320/IMG_5322.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-j4oT_f97FdI/TwC4SCuPxlI/AAAAAAAAARE/M7KVD2y6h2g/s1600/IMG_5421.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-j4oT_f97FdI/TwC4SCuPxlI/AAAAAAAAARE/M7KVD2y6h2g/s320/IMG_5421.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MG3SobP2_4U/TwC4fYaqt4I/AAAAAAAAARM/sOwfeQfyui8/s1600/IMG_7536.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MG3SobP2_4U/TwC4fYaqt4I/AAAAAAAAARM/sOwfeQfyui8/s320/IMG_7536.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0MLB0YcCb14/TwC4wygzfbI/AAAAAAAAARY/GQNVkx67nvA/s1600/IMG_7610.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0MLB0YcCb14/TwC4wygzfbI/AAAAAAAAARY/GQNVkx67nvA/s320/IMG_7610.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XlN2cs6RkYg/TwC45jn06nI/AAAAAAAAARg/7vnJPsMsG3U/s1600/IMG_7705.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XlN2cs6RkYg/TwC45jn06nI/AAAAAAAAARg/7vnJPsMsG3U/s320/IMG_7705.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-63051494572304666132011-12-31T11:01:00.000-08:002011-12-31T11:01:58.546-08:00Reinvention Convention Update<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Well, have you been sitting there with baited breath waiting for my update?</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Nah, didn't think so.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But do not dismay, despite radio silence the wheels of life have been turning. </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Most significantly we put our house on the market and sold it - whooo hoooo!!!!</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A big deal on many levels....all the obvious ones like purging, staging, keeping your house in perfect order to that a viewing can happen at any time. Offers that fell through, offers that felt like insults and finally the perfect (almost!) match. A decent offer and a chance to start the next chapter of our lives.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The perhaps less obvious levels include yet another step in the 'letting go of the parenthood dream'. No more extra rooms for kids and their stuff and their friends. No more dreams of steps cluttered with books and socks and other kid related paraphernalia. No more back yard for running around and digging in the garden. No more 'kid friendly' street to learn to walk and bike and stroll. No need for these things. More than that, the need to move away from them. </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It's not like every day in our child-less house is torture -- far from it! But as we imagine and create a beautiful, full life without children who live with us, a house does not seem necessary. Let someone else raise a family here - use this space, inside and out, for plenty of kids and maybe some pets. We don't need to take up all this space and in fact, in some ways, it's holding us back from the life we dream of living.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So we are moving into a condo...in 18 days!!! </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">There, in a smaller space, with no outside maintenance and all the adult amenities at our fingertips, we carve out the next phase of Sariel and Shlomit's good life. More time for cooking, playing music together, travel, walks, ice skating, backgammon and whatever else we feel like.<br />
<br />
We leave behind the physical space that is our house, but take with us all the memories. The many happy, peaceful, fun, amazing memories. The many painful, gut wrenching, devastating ones too. They are all part of us.<br />
<br />
During this process, we've made a few concrete steps towards honouring and memorializing the seven little lost lives we carry around with us.<br />
<br />
I had a beautiful bracelet designed that arrived just the other day. On the outside of the bracelet the inscription reads: <b> </b><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>You never know how strong you are until </b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>being strong is the only choice you have.*</b> </div><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">On the inside, the artist inscribed seven small hearts, </div><div style="text-align: center;">one for each little life that never got to be.</div><b> </b><br />
It's not much maybe but it's a big step for me...to try to somehow give words and images to all that I carry inside me.<br />
<br />
We've also decided to observe the <a href="http://judaism.about.com/od/judaismbasics/a/How-To-Light-Yahrzeit-Memorial-Candles.htm">yarzheit</a> for babies 6 and 7. These were the two pregnancies which got the farthest and hurt the most. We plan to place two special rocks beside Sariel's father's (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honorifics_for_the_dead_in_Judaism">z"l</a>) stone, light a yarzheit candle out at the field and say <a href="http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Judaism/kaddish.html">kaddish</a>.<br />
<br />
In Judaism there are no traditional rituals for miscarriage - only once a baby has been 'born' - even still born. But not before. So we are reclaiming those rituals that make sense to us and honour the lives we loved and hoped for and dreamed about.<br />
<br />
Well, I thought I'd write a whole lot more...there is certainly much swirling around inside. I'll stop here...for now...and promise to visit again sooner!<br />
<br />
For those who celebrate this New Year: All the best to you and those you love! May you be blessed with health, happiness and peace!<br />
<br />
Shlomit</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></i><b>*</b><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm not certain who to credit for this, so if you know, please let me know!</span></i></div>shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-33297762203454367022011-07-11T09:50:00.000-07:002011-07-11T09:50:31.761-07:00Reinvention ConventionI may have been 'silent' but wheels have been turning, thoughts have been churning and ideas brewing.<br />
<br />
After 6+ years of having 'parenthood' as a goal, Sariel and I find ourselves in a vacuum of sorts. It's one thing to begin to come to terms with childlessness. One BIG thing.<br />
<br />
But then what? What now? Who are we? What are we doing? Where are we going? Do we need to go somewhere? What is family now? Do we need this house we bought to have kids in? What's it all gonna look like?<br />
<br />
It's both anxiety provoking and exciting...this 'reinvention convention'* <br />
This exploration is so individual and yet so entwined in our 'couplehood'. <br />
<br />
Our family. <br />
<br />
<br />
There, I said it. <br />
<br />
We are. <br />
<br />
A family. <br />
<br />
Me and Sariel and sometimes his daughter.<br />
<br />
A real, true family. <br />
<br />
And we are are taking better care of our bodies - eating better, hiking, playing sports, getting active.<br />
<br />
I am getting reacquainted with my body. Going through the process of embracing who I am, all that I am, inside and out. Trying to re-vision this body. This body that, for the last several years has been a disappointment, an enemy amost. <br />
<br />
This empty receptacle. <br />
<br />
This barren womb. <br />
<br />
This poor responder.<br />
<br />
This producer of lousy eggs. <br />
<br />
This miscarrier of 7 babies.<br />
<br />
This ridiculously slow healing foot fracture.<br />
<br />
I am learning to nurture, to cherish, to embrace, coddle and care for myself. To love myself and accept myself. Oddly, in some ways, to parent my self in a way I wanted to parent. In a way I wasn't parented.<br />
<br />
And it's a long journey but one I do revel in from time to time. I am learning to listen when I need to stop. Or go. Or run. Or jump. Or lay down. I'm learning to integrate mind, body and soul -- those elements that were at great odds with each other for many, too many, years.<br />
<br />
Other stuff is happening too, but that's for another post.<br />
<br />
Hope y'all are well and living life fully!<br />
<br />
peace<br />
shlomit<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
*full credit to a good friend of mine, going through her own turmoil and transition, who came up with this term!shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-8195734836958561772011-05-04T06:01:00.000-07:002011-05-04T06:01:21.688-07:00Being Blog - Alec Soth's Photographs Capture Our Desire to Run AwayHey all,<br />Just popping in to share this.<br />It interests me because of my desire to sometimes run away.<br />Let me know what you think.<br />peace<br />shlomit<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://blog.onbeing.org/post/5184021192/alec-soths-photographs-capture-our-desire-to-run-away">Being Blog - Alec Soth's Photographs Capture Our Desire to Run Away</a>shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-82808351803961913732011-04-19T08:12:00.000-07:002011-04-19T09:29:24.275-07:00Why was last night different?<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">One of the questions we ask at our <a href="http://www.jewfaq.org/holidaya.htm">Passover Seder</a> every year is: </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: large;">Why is this night different from other nights?</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Why indeed!</b></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">Last night Sariel and I hosted our first Seder together. Surrounded by family, friends: new and old, some who've been celebrating Passover their whole lives, some who are discovering their Jewish souls and, I believe, some who are <i>re-discovering </i>their Jewish souls.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">Okay, that's not so different. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">Jews around the world gathered last night <a href="http://www.chabad.org/holidays/passover/pesach_cdo/aid/1737/jewish/Maggid.htm">to tell the story of when we were slaves in Egypt and how we became free</a>. We eat bitter herbs and matzoh and then have a big feast. Those who haven't snuck out early, share the symbolic dessert - the <a href="http://judaism.about.com/od/holidays/g/afikomen.htm">afikomen</a> - drink <i>at least</i> two more glasses of wine and end the night with our wishes to be together in Jerusalem next year. And we musn't forget the singing - sending our guests home with containers full of food, on a wave of song.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">But here's the 'different' part.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">This is the first Passover since Sariel and I have been together that we haven't been in our own '<a href="http://www.suite101.com/content/passover-jewish-holiday-universal-message-a365095">mitzrayim</a>' (literally 'a narrow place'; Egypt, land of our slavery). </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">The mitzrayim of infertility and pregnancy loss. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">At least one year, I'm sure, I was surreptitiously drinking grape juice, trying to hide the early stages of yet another pregnancy. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">One year, plans well underway for us to host the seder, we had to change the venue because of where we landed in our IVF cycle. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">Ugh. That was <i><b>not</b></i> a pretty seder. We found out the morning before the first seder that, despite daily injections of $1000 worth of medication, for days on end, I was, in fact, a 'poor responder'. There would be no retrieval, no icsi, no transfer...probably no baby.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">We have been graciously hosted by friends and family over the years - and experienced the whole gamut of Seders - from the sublime to the ridiculous. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">Yet, no matter how sublime (or, for that matter, how <i>ridiculous</i>!) there was an underlying thread of pain, yearning, envy. Passover, like so many Jewish holidays, is a family holiday. We are commanded to 'tell our children' the Passover story. For those who are single, childless or otherwise not involved in a 'traditional' family, these holidays can be very painful. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">During a holiday celebrating our liberation, some of us find ourselves still in personal bondage.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>So last night was <i>a big deal</i>.</b> Not just the cooking for 15 (thank you, my hero, Sariel!!) and <a href="http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Judaism/pass_prep.html">preparing everything</a> and finding <a href="http://velveteenrabbi.blogs.com/blog/2006/03/haggadah_for_pe.html">a Haggadah that would have at least a little something for everyone</a> -- Oh, don't get me wrong, that was a big deal too. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">But the <i><b>really big deal</b></i> was the joy in our hearts as we welcomed people into our home. We made a place for them. We invited them into the family that <i>we</i> are - <b>Sariel and I</b>. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">I looked around the room as the Seder began, everyone waiting expectantly for me to begin, to lead them - and I felt a sense of completion that I haven't felt for a long, long time. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">I do not have children to teach, to lead and to share my love of Judaism and all it entails. I will never have my own children. That is sad and I honour that grief and live with it. I am coming to accept that I will always live with it.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">I still have a passion and a love to share and the gift of having created a welcoming, inclusive home where people from diverse backgrounds, can share and learn and laugh and break matzoh together.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">That is <b>something</b>. That's not <i>just</i> a consolation prize. That is something substantial. Something that Sariel and I have constructed intentionally, something we have <b><i>'birthed'</i></b>.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">At the end of the Seder as people were chatting and patting their full, satisfied bellies, one of the guests asked if she could share a few words. This was a woman, originally from Canada, who had spent many years in the States, married, had kids, divorced and is now back in Canada to make a life here again. She very graciously thanked us for including her in our Passover Seder. Then she went on to tell us that, at the age of 61, this was her first Passover Seder. She discovered 6 years ago that her mother was Jewish and, since then, many things clicked into place for her. As she shared her story, I was proud of our guests, who accepted and celebrated her and enveloped her with love. A few of us around the room shared knowing smiles, having walked similar paths and felt that amazing sense of homecoming. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">Her story, her courage to share it with a room full of people who just hours before had been strangers - what an amazing gift she brought to our home. My heart overflows with gratitude not only to her, but also to G-d, the Universe who has taken me on this strange journey of peaks and valleys and brought me to the place I am now. I can think of no other word but <a href="http://www.thejc.com/judaism/jewish-words/beshert">beshert</a>. That this year, of all the years, we got our selves together enough and found ourselves in a place of strength and healing to be able to share our Passover Seder with so many and include this wonderful woman.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">I could go on and on, and maybe some of this will come out in another post, but I'll stop here. </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">Sit back with a cup of tea, continue tidying and allow this smile and abounding gratitude to flow out of me and through me.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">Chag Sameach.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">peace</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;">shlomit</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"></div>shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-83061919889083205632011-03-28T12:31:00.000-07:002011-03-28T16:46:32.313-07:00okay.....<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I'm not sure why I've not been blogging but life just seems <i><b>SO BUSY</b></i>!! And every time I say that I'm learning <i>not</i> to criticize myself for 'not handling more, since I don't have any kids'. If I had kids, I'd be busy in a different way, <i><b>right?</b></i></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">One of the<b> big</b> (pardon the pun) by-products of infertility and multiple pregnancy loss has been, in addition to clinical depression,<i><b> a lot</b></i> of weight gained and a more sedentary lifestyle.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b> This is not good people.</b></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>I am <i>NOT</i> a skinny girl!!!</b></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So I may be turning to friends in the blog-o-sphere to get a little help with this. </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Y'all kept me sane while I walked through the darkest valley. I'm hoping you might help me stay motivated while I climb the highest mountain!!!</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Once I'm home I will be <b>BRAVE</b> and post a recent pic. I will also post a pic from about 6 or 7 months before I started trying to get pregnant.<br />
<br />
Update:<br />
Here are the pics...I'm feeling <b>scared</b> <i>and</i> <b>BRAVE</b>....the 'fat' picture is <i><b>definitely not flattering</b></i>!!!<br />
<br />
This is me in May 2004:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgedqPDuP9DvXWheS_p66kDJBFnWT1FsPKWXdUEGECVuVCPcmBNpvt2BctMFcGKFoUL5D6j4zuZnwcuWO9I_uXP4LXcFBrZEIYZ6YN5tGJik3fQGpcu-DHzC1l9Ih6_7jpiU7U32Yns09I/s1600/sandy+may+04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgedqPDuP9DvXWheS_p66kDJBFnWT1FsPKWXdUEGECVuVCPcmBNpvt2BctMFcGKFoUL5D6j4zuZnwcuWO9I_uXP4LXcFBrZEIYZ6YN5tGJik3fQGpcu-DHzC1l9Ih6_7jpiU7U32Yns09I/s320/sandy+may+04.jpg" width="223" /></a></div><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This is me in January 2011:<br />
<br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_-e45-fS3ZR5KKiK_lGtUIgmFyHUCffjXf2f8zxC4-szhpZOAYfFdA5HO2z18VrdEopBsQJPHIgCpXp85Httd4Gmd8EVqkLb6VPCYuizwjxBBd9tuo5ieJ3FK3FtNojx8LQYlE_W-EAU/s1600/january+2011+sandy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_-e45-fS3ZR5KKiK_lGtUIgmFyHUCffjXf2f8zxC4-szhpZOAYfFdA5HO2z18VrdEopBsQJPHIgCpXp85Httd4Gmd8EVqkLb6VPCYuizwjxBBd9tuo5ieJ3FK3FtNojx8LQYlE_W-EAU/s320/january+2011+sandy.jpg" width="246" /></a></div><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Somethings <b>got to</b> change. I need your help. <br />
<br />
<i>Are you with me? </i></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>Hope so!</b></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">peace</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">shlomit</div>shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-32922013179150233772011-01-24T15:52:00.000-08:002011-01-24T15:52:17.376-08:00One of the crazy people<div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And I mean that in the <i>best</i> way, of course.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Cos, technically, I <i>am</i> a crazy person. <b>And proud of it.</b></div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">But you know what I'm not so proud of? </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Being associated with this: <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/25/nyregion/25kidnap.html?src=fbmain">All childless people are potential criminals!!!</a> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">None of us can know what made this woman take this child all those years ago. But apparently the press knows. She says she had several miscarriage. Full stop. End of sentence.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">While I admit to experiencing stress, distress, mourning and, yes, depression as a result of my journey with infertility, I resent the implication that 'a few miscarriages' tells the whole story.</span><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>HELLO?!?!?!</b> Where is the<b> rest </b>of the story? You accept that as <b>fact</b>???</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Wait a minute. </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Instead of complaining maybe I need to recognize this as an opportunity! </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I mean, if people already think I'm crazy cos I had S.E.V.E.N. miscarriages, doesn't that give me carte blanche to go ahead and engage in criminal activity? Insanity caused by multiple pregnancy loss, that could be my defense!! </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Maybe not so much, eh?</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Sheesh.</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">peace</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">shlomit</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </div><div style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </div>shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-57258024103890931202011-01-16T07:37:00.000-08:002011-01-16T07:37:12.940-08:00How do you spell relief?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTGWZ1lbnDtwMn1LLGqYDhef6PhtRrkYX1CUz3pLVP-HzbtUhSrfhxQNHl1LvwT25P_5vKIhj566xchWP0fGM6jA-RS5uTrEddme8C715bQnTZJr3zOjAtO_m9gCK84fQbW2BR6ykx0bM/s1600/relief.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="94" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTGWZ1lbnDtwMn1LLGqYDhef6PhtRrkYX1CUz3pLVP-HzbtUhSrfhxQNHl1LvwT25P_5vKIhj566xchWP0fGM6jA-RS5uTrEddme8C715bQnTZJr3zOjAtO_m9gCK84fQbW2BR6ykx0bM/s320/relief.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.</b></div><br />
<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">peace</div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Shlomit</span>shlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-45831484606824587302011-01-15T17:04:00.000-08:002011-01-16T07:40:29.313-08:00Well....I have crafted 2 or 3 new posts...all about this new life.<br />
<br />
Apparently I'm now <i>slightly more</i> of a perfectionist about blogging than I used to be. I feel they all could use edits before publishing.<br />
<br />
<br />
But now.<br />
<br />
<u><i><b>Shit.</b></i></u><br />
<br />
Now I've got a new problem.<br />
<br />
Now I think I'm <span style="font-size: large;"><i>f***ing pregnant again</i></span>.<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><u><i><b><br />
</b></i></u></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><u><i><b>Sh*t. </b></i></u></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><u><i><b>Fu*k. </b></i></u></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><u><i><b>Da*n.</b></i></u></span><br />
<br />
<br />
And I say that without an iota of ambivalence.<br />
<br />
I<b> DO NOT</b> want to be pregnant.<br />
<br />
I am definitely <i>not up </i>for pregnancy.<br />
<br />
Nope.<br />
<br />
Not me.<br />
<br />
Not now.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Not ever.</b></span><br />
<br />
How does a former infertility blogger get to the point where she is even contemplating <i>terminating</i> a pregnancy? Is that sacrilege or what? I can't imagine I'd ever do it, but the thought <i>actually</i> crossed my mind.<br />
<br />
<br />
Yep. That is where I am. I am not up for this. 7 pregnancies. 7 miscarriages. I'm 44. And a half. I don't want this.<br />
<br />
Could it be peri-menopause? I'm at that age, right? Could be an irregular period?<br />
<br />
Right?<br />
<br />
<i><b>Right?</b></i><br />
<br />
I've been in denial for a few days. But tonight the possible reality reared it's ugly head.<br />
<br />
Too snowy and too many glasses of wine to go out and get a pregnancy test now. But first thing in the morning I'm off to buy one...or two! And first thing Monday morning, Sariel is gonna figure out the ins and outs of cutting off his seed!!<br />
<br />
Ugh. I don't expect you to understand. Please just stand beside me.<br />
<br />
<br />
And stay tuned.<br />
<br />
Peace<br />
shlomitshlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3213501412328911308.post-12894708113815218872010-12-23T12:08:00.000-08:002010-12-23T12:08:04.499-08:00Quick noteAt work...working on child death reports. It's a good subject for me, it turns out. (probably more about that some time).<br />
<br />
Anyway, just heard an interview with Annie Lennox who 'came out' as having lost a child. It was powerful. Crazy in a way isn't it? We know how uncommonly common it is. She took the opportunity to point that fact out. How many women have experienced that pain.<br />
<br />
Thanks, Annie.<br />
<br />
<br />
To all who celebrate Christmas, I wish you many blessings, joy and happiness.<br />
<br />
To all who celebrate the New Year: much more of the same and peace and health.<br />
<br />
peace<br />
shlomitshlomithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15294019419791233755noreply@blogger.com2