Monday, July 11, 2011

Reinvention Convention

I may have been 'silent' but wheels have been turning, thoughts have been churning and ideas brewing.

After 6+ years of having 'parenthood' as a goal, Sariel and I find ourselves in a vacuum of sorts.  It's one thing to begin to come to terms with childlessness.  One BIG thing.

But then what?  What now?  Who are we?  What are we doing?  Where are we going?  Do we need to go somewhere?  What is family now?  Do we need this house we bought to have kids in?  What's it all gonna look like?

It's both anxiety provoking and exciting...this 'reinvention convention'* 
This exploration is so individual and yet so entwined in our 'couplehood'. 

Our family. 

There, I said it. 

We are. 

A family. 

Me and Sariel and sometimes his daughter.

A real, true family.

And we are are taking better care of our bodies - eating better, hiking, playing sports, getting active.

I am getting reacquainted with my body.  Going through the process of embracing who I am, all that I am, inside and out.  Trying to re-vision this body.  This body that, for the last several years has been a disappointment, an enemy amost. 

This empty receptacle. 

This barren womb. 

This poor responder.

This producer of lousy eggs. 

This miscarrier of 7 babies.

This ridiculously slow healing foot fracture.

I am learning to nurture, to cherish, to embrace, coddle and care for myself.  To love myself and accept myself.  Oddly,  in some ways, to parent my self in a way I wanted to parent.  In a way I wasn't parented.

And it's a long journey but one I do revel in from time to time.  I am learning to listen when I need to stop.  Or go.  Or run.  Or jump.  Or lay down.  I'm learning to integrate mind, body and soul -- those elements that were at great odds with each other for many, too many, years.

Other stuff is happening too, but that's for another post.

Hope y'all are well and living life fully!


*full credit to a good friend of mine, going through her own turmoil and transition, who came up with this term!


  1. So glad you're blogging again! I can't wait to hear about your Reinvention journey...

  2. SHLOMIT!!!! *glomp hugs* Oh hon, I have SO terribly missed you from the blogosphere. I truly have. You cannot imagine...

    I would hate to open old wounds, but know that I am here. I have thought about you and Sariel on too many occasions to count, and kept my fingers crossed that you were well and finding 'happy' again.

    I -LOVE- the idea of a reinvention convention. Perfect. I am glad that you are tackling that, but I'm sure it must be tough! Do keep us posted.

    And I have to say, I came to the realization years ago that a couple absolutely CAN be a family. Because while a couple is technically two persons, they are surrounded by so many others who are in their inner circle,and who definitely regard them as a family as well. So yes, you and Sariel most certainly are a family. I don't doubt it; I'm glad you now realize it too. :)

    Welcome back to the blogosphere. Thank you for your thoughtful comments on my blog (and yes, we had checked with CHEO already...). Much love and many, many squeezy hugs for you and Sariel. I am so glad you're part of our bloggy family again!