Thursday, January 10, 2013

Hey y'all!
Hope you had yourself some great holidays.  If not great, then good.  If not good, then tolerable.  And if not tolerable - I hope they passed quickly and things are better now.

As you know, those holidays aren't the ones we celebrate but they are usually a time to relax, watch movies, get together with friends we haven't seen for a while.

Unfortunately this year, I caught some sort of wicked, tenacious flu bug that lasted well over 2 weeks!  Happy to report I've been recovering in the past week and hope to be restored to good health by the weekend....maybe?

In the meantime, as alluded to in earlier posts, here's a piece of writing for this theatre class I'm taking.  I tried to work this piece or at least this character into my one woman show but it just wasn't working.  Keep in mind this is only a 10 minute piece....I am thinking of challenging myself to tackle a full length show.  Stay tuned.

In the meantime, my 'home play' (stream of consciousness writing on a given topic) from 23 November 2012.


TOPIC:  A teacher who was a problem.

"I am in grade 6 and I am as mouthy and clever as they come.  My four older siblings have made sure that I’ve grown up fast and been independent.

I’m practically an adult since birth.  And my quick, sarcastic wit is strong enough to keep up with the masters:  my Mom and my older siblings.

So the first day of Grade 6 arrives and after a summer of less socializing then I’d like, I’m excited to be back at school with my peers.

The hormones are raging, my boobs have sprouted and I know I am fucking hilarious - having honed my humour during a summer of adults and more adults.

I get Mr. Pilon for a teacher and I’m not sure what to expect.  His wife is also a teacher in the school and she seems okay.  I know nobody can compare to my Grade 5 teacher, Mrs. Koole, who ‘got me’ and appreciates my quick humour and wit.

From the moment Pilon opens his mouth I sense a challenge – and I’m ready for the game!

This guy is married?  No way?  His wife is more butch than he is and he has that ummmmmm…. extremely ‘effeminate’ voice.

He tries to charm us – at turns acting as our ‘friend’ and then suddenly being ‘tough’ and teacherly.  Before first recess I am in a verbal sparring match with this guy and instead of bowing down to my supreme wit and intelligence – he puts me in the corner.

I am in Grade 6.  I am an Aunt.  Two of my siblings are married and I have boobs.

And you put me in the corner?

No, no, no, no, no.  This won’t do.  The gauntlet has been thrown and as far as I’m concerned, war has been declared.

Who does this fucker think he is and how am I going to handle him for the rest of the year?  I have no power but the power of my tongue.  And I will win.

Because I am in Grade 6.  I am an Aunt and I’ve been in two weddings.  And I have boobs.

Pilon – you.  Are going.  Down.

Grade 6 is a year marked by trouble with a capital T for Shlomit.  Boobs or no boobs, I have to follow this guy’s direction and there are no adults willing to back me up.

At every chance, I humiliate.  I mean, it’s so easy.  He’s asking for it.

Like the time he asks me to stand at the front of the classroom and do a recorder solo.  He thinks I’m fooling around and not paying attention.  He underestimates me.  I get in front of the class and play, from memory, a very difficult solo I’ve taught myself.  And I’m playing the recorder through my nose!

Point for Team Shlomit.

Or the time when he tells the class a ‘joke’.  It is long, involved, building up to what he things is an hilarious punch line.

Cue the smart ass.  

Pilon delivers the punch line; polite twittering from kiss ass classmates ensues.  I wait for it to die down and then “Yeah. So.  What’s the joke?”


His face flames red; he sends me in the hall and even calls my parents!  I get the familiar “respect the teacher” lecture but I can tell that my parents are choking back smiles and maybe just a little pride.

Point for Shlomit.

Because I am Shlomit.  I am 12 years old. I’ve got a niece.  I’ve been in two weddings.  My parents leave me home alone.

And I. have. Boobs."

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