Saturday, January 15, 2011


I have crafted 2 or 3 new posts...all about this new life.

Apparently I'm now slightly more of a perfectionist about blogging than I used to be.  I feel they all could use edits before publishing.

But now.


Now I've got a new problem.

Now I think I'm f***ing pregnant again.




And I say that without an iota of ambivalence.

I DO NOT want to be pregnant.

I am definitely not up for pregnancy.


Not me.

Not now.

Not ever.

How does a former infertility blogger get to the point where she is even contemplating terminating a pregnancy?  Is that sacrilege or what?  I can't imagine I'd ever do it, but the thought actually crossed my mind.

Yep.  That is where I am.  I am not up for this.  7 pregnancies.  7 miscarriages.  I'm 44.  And a half.  I don't want this.

Could it be peri-menopause?  I'm at that age, right?  Could be an irregular period?



I've been in denial for a few days.  But tonight the possible reality reared it's ugly head.

Too snowy and too many glasses of wine to go out and get a pregnancy test now.  But first thing in the morning I'm off to buy one...or two!  And first thing Monday morning, Sariel is gonna figure out the ins and outs of cutting off his seed!!

Ugh.  I don't expect you to understand.  Please just stand beside me.

And stay tuned.


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