Tuesday, November 20, 2012

I'm Still Standing....

I've got you singing now...admit it!

Hi folks...anybody out there?

Have you given up on me?

Hope not, though I wouldn't blame you.  

I have a feeling that I will be posting a little more often in the next while.  There are many thoughts and feelings churning - stuff I figured I'd dealt with but which is rearing it's head again.

I did something really risky recently.  I signed up for a course that will culminate in me writing and performing a one-woman show!  This opportunity threw itself into my path - an amazing course offered for free through my synagogue.  

Look at the title of my blog.  Telling a Different Story.  How could I pass up this opportunity?  I have struggled with various mediums to tell this story.  And now I'm trying another.  And I'm LOVING it!!!

One of the things we have been doing for 'home play' (not home 'work'...get it?  Don't you love it?) is 10 minute stream of consciousness writings on various topics.

Here's one I've tinkered with a little...let me know what you think.  And I promise to keep you posted on what's going on around here!


Here it is:
When I find out that I am going to be a parent I’m in a state of disbelief.  After months of trying, to hear that I’m pregnant puts me in a state of euphoria!!!  I feel relieved too.  I’ve been worrying that, despite my breeder genes, I am too old, my eggs are too old and/or maybe I have some fatal flaw that prevents me from getting pregnant.

It’s the first time that I’m pregnant and it doesn’t occur to me that I could lose this pregnancy.  I figure we just need a little extra help in getting pregnant and, now that we are, it’s going to be clear sailing.

We are both super excited and even though it’s fairly early in the pregnancy we start talking about our baby.  We talk about names:  boy?  girl?  both?

We think about how we’ll raise this child – what kind of parents we’ll be.  Who are role models are…and who they are NOT!  We talk about how old we’ll be when our baby is bar or bat mitzvah, in high school, in university. 

We talk about how we’ll tell Sariel's daughter.  How we’ll make sure we keep the door open for her and involve her as much as possible.  We try to prepare ourselves for her potential reaction and figure out how we’ll try to help her.

It’s always complicated when you are living with a child from a previous marriage and your partner’s ex-spouse.  It’s always an extra layer of complication. 

Will Sariel's daughter want to live with us and her new sibling?  Will she want to be closer, physically, to her dad?  To her sibling?

There is so much to say but I’m not sure where to go really. 

Pregnant at least 7 times I could tell this story 7 different ways.  All with the same ending.

I do not become a parent at the end.   

I am a statistic.   

A label.  

 I am infertile.  

 I am of advanced maternal age.   

I am a poor responder.   

A person with Multiple Pregnancy Loss.  

 A person with depression and anxiety.   

A mess really.  

And I want to run away.


  1. Wow! Shlomit! I was happily surprised when I saw the post pop up in my reader this morning. I am so glad to hear that you're working on a one-woman show.

    And this is a very powerful piece to kick that off.

  2. Thanks!!! Your support is huge!!!

  3. Fantastic - a one woman show - that is amazing! I would never have the guts to do something like that, despite what my friends say, keep moving forward!

  4. Thanks so much for your support!!!!